


Gray Days

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: Building Something [2]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: But Early Established Relationship, Depression, Established Relationship, M/M, May We All Find A Carlos Of Our Very Own, Poor Carlos has his own issues, TK Is A Puppy in Human Form, Though if we do we also need to take care of them, To Everyone Who Has Their Own Gray Days, but also fluff, emotional hurt comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: TK still has gray days, but he doesn't have to be alone.***NOW WITH CHAPTER 2 - CARLOS P.O.V.***
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: Building Something [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852441
Comments: 12
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

TK stretched out on the couch, staring up at the ceiling while the Food Network played in the background. His dad was at the station, and his mom was upstairs on a Zoom meeting, finally leaving to get ready for it only after TK had reassured her for the fifth time that he was okay.

And he was, really. The gray feeling had faded a lot since he’d gotten in that bar fight, especially after his little series of revelations about what he really wanted out of life, and his therapist had reassured him that it was natural for it to surge back sometimes. Chemical imbalances had nothing to do with how your life was going, or even how you actually felt about any of it. They weren’t your fault. They just… happened.

What did matter, though, is what you did about them. TK had thought a lot about the stupid things he’d done over the years because he was trying to get rid of the gray feeling, or in reaction to how fragile and breakable it made him feel. He’d nearly wrecked his life, more than once, and even with COVID doing its best to break the world he still had too many good things in his life right now to risk screwing any of them up.

So when the gray snuck back in, inconveniently waiting until after the full lockdown was over, TK decided to institute a one-man lockdown of his own. He didn't miss work – even though he was still on light duty, it was the only thing keeping him sane during the worst days of quarantine – but the last day or so he'd done his best to keep his head down and not say much. Now that he was off again, he'd just stay at home and try to hide from his parents. Pretty much what he'd done during lockdown, but for mental rather than physical health reasons. 

But it wasn’t a perfect plan. His phone rang somewhere in the middle of “Beat Bobby Flay,” and he reached for it to see Carlos’s name and picture staring down from his screen. He hesitated for just a second – there was a _lot_ here for him to screw up, a lot he already _had_ screwed up and somehow miraculously been forgiven for – but there were some people too important to ghost even in the name of self-preservation. Carlos was definitely one of those people, even though it had taken him far too long to realize that. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” In his more poetic moments, TK had mentally compared Carlos’s voice to sunshine. It felt that way even now, all the more shocking against the gray. “We still on for dinner?”

T.K. squeezed his eyes shut. Another thing the gray days did was turn his memory to shit. “Sorry.” He rubbed his eyes, pushing himself into a sitting position. “I completely forgot.”

“It’s okay.” Carlos’s voice softened, gentler than TK deserved. “You don’t have to make your hair all pretty for me.”

TK let out a breath, dropping his forehead into one hand. “I probably shouldn't.” He could practically feel Carlos go still on the other end of the line at the words, and TK kicked himself and tried to rephrase. “I’m not feeling so hot.”

He could practically feel Carlos freeze. "Is it..."

"No, no." TK swore mentally, cursing himself for being so bad with words. "Nothing like that. I just..." He sighed. "I'm not going to be great company right now." 

There was a brief silence, then Carlos let out a breath. "There's no chance you'll let me decide that?" 

TK's chest tightened. The truth was, a part of him _really_ wanted to see Carlos – the lockdown had hit the pause button on their burgeoning relationship, and neither phone or Zoom calls were nearly enough of a substitute for Carlos in-person. But if he said something stupid, or _did_ something stupid, he might lose in-person Carlos for good.

He took a deep breath. "Remember that asshole you almost had to process once? The one who went to a bar completely sober just to start shit?"

“Ah.” Some of that awful carefulness had leaked out of Carlos’s voice, and the knot that had made its home in TK’s chest loosened a little bit. “From the sound of the TV in the background, I’m guessing you’re not actually in a bar right now.”

“No, the only ass-kicking happening here is Bobby Flay and his chicken.” He straightened, letting himself drop back against the couch. “My therapist says it’s normal, no matter how good your life is going, and it’s best to just ride it out. I’m focusing on damage control.”

Carlos kept his voice light. “I’m sure the bar thanks you.”

The curve of TK’s lips flickered upward. “That’s not the damage I’m worried about. If you’ll remember, I tend to be even more of an ass than usual when I’m like this.” He stared up at the ceiling. “I’m trying to keep the people I care about outside of the blast radius.”

“Makes sense.” There was something in Carlos’s voice that he couldn’t quite read. “Does it help, being alone?”

No, not really. Distractions were everything when he felt like this, anything that kept him from paying too much attention to the inside of his own head. But as far as sacrifices went, it was a small one. “It helps knowing I won’t hurt you again because stupid shit keeps coming out of my mouth.”

There was another stretch of silence, but it was different this time. “As long as you don’t break up with me,” he said finally, “I think I can handle whatever else happens.”

TK closed his eyes, throat tight. He may not feel like he deserved it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want it. “You shouldn’t have to.”

“Hey, I don’t mind Bobby Flay. Or if you’re sick of him by now, there’s that cooking show on Netflix with the ugly cakes.” Some of the sunlight was back in Carlos’s voice. “If you give me a minute, I can box up everything I made. We'll have to re-heat it, but it should still be good.” He paused. "Will your parents be okay with this?" 

"Dad's at the station, and Mom is upstairs on a business call." And even if she wasn't, she wouldn't argue about something like this. "Even if she does come down, we can distract her from any unfortunate conversation topics by asking what the most annoying thing about her meeting was." 

"I'll bring her up some food." Amusement lingered in his voice. "There should be enough for the three of us, but your dad will probably have to fend for himself." 

"He can deal with it." Damn it, his eyes were stinging. "You don't have to do this, though. I meant what I said about not being very good company." He swallowed. “Also, there’s a good chance I’m just going to drape across you like a really heavy, useless blanket.”

“You can never have enough blankets.” Carlos’s voice went soft again, oddly serious now. “I want to know you, TK The hard parts as well as the charming ones.” 

TK swallowed again, swiping his fingers over suddenly wet eyes. “I managed to get my hands on some ice cream. The good stuff that makes my dad rant about carbs for 20 minutes.”

“How can I say no to that?” He could hear the smile in Carlos’s voice. “See you soon?”

TK’s chest ached, but even with the gray it felt like the good thing. It ached like hope. “See you soon.”


	2. Chapter 2

TK had lost interest in Bobby Flay by the time Carlos made it over with dinner, and it turned out that “Nailed it” (which was the name of that food show on Netflix he could never remember) wasn’t the best thing for TK to watch when he was feeling emotionally fragile. After bringing some food up to TK's mom, they did a bit more surfing – there were way more teen dramas on Netflix than Carlos had realized – and finally settled on “Queer Eye.”

“Television comfort food at its finest.” TK’s expression looked more relaxed as he started in on his own tamales, an amused light in his eyes. “Besides, I can never watch it when my dad’s in the house. He will not shut up about how amazing Jonathan’s hair is.”

They were a few episodes into the current season by this point, the food pretty much gone and midnight well on its way. TK had abandoned verticality awhile ago, his head in Carlos’s lap and feet kicked off the side of the couch, and Carlos scratched idle patterns along TK’s scalp and tried to pretend he was paying attention to the show. He was actually more than half asleep by that point, the easy intimacy of the moment having the same effect that a sunny patch of ground did to a cat, but that didn’t mean he wanted any of it to stop. He'd never had anything like this with any of his other boyfriends, these moments where the rest of the world just seemed to fade away, and even though it hadn't been very long he was already getting addicted. 

TK had said he wouldn't be very good company, but Carlos was sure he'd never had better. 

Eventually, TK broke the companionable silence they’d fallen into. “Have you ever wondered what it would be like, being on the show?”

It took Carlos a couple of seconds to remember exactly what show they were talking about. “I think my skincare routine would probably disappoint Jonathan,” he said finally, then smiled a little. “And I’m pretty sure Tan France would try to get rid of your hoodies.”

TK’s lips curved ever so slightly. “Okay, that definitely wouldn’t work. I’d end up punching out one of the ‘Queer Eye’ guys, and who wants that on their conscience?”

Carlos’s smile widened. “You’d probably end up with more Instagram followers than Marjan.”

TK’s grin flashed briefly, the light dimmer than usual but no less genuine. “Yeah, but at what cost?” He turned back to the T.V. screen, expression wistful. “Still, it’d be nice to get a hug from Karamo and have him tell you what an amazing person you are.”

Carlos wasn’t so sure. Karamo did seem like a really nice guy, and everyone he talked to on the show always seemed to get teary whenever he gave them a pep talk. The thought of being the _focus_ of one of those talks, however, left a squirming feeling deep in his stomach. He was pretty sure he’d end up yelling at the guy, which would probably make him even less popular than whoever finally hauled off and punched Tan France.

He let out a breath. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. No matter how many times Karamo said you were special, and that you should love yourself exactly like you were, it didn't really change anything in your life. Even if you loved yourself, it didn't necessarily mean that other people would. No matter how much you needed it. “It’s not like he’s the person you need to convince.”

TK shifted again, looking back up at him with a suddenly focused expression, and Carlos realized he probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. He wasn’t at all prepared to have this conversation – with anyone, really – and even if he was now was the worst possible time. Terrible things happened when they were both feeling fragile.

He shook his head, trying to chase any hint of the weird feeling that had come over him off his face. “Never mind. I don’t even know what I meant.”

But the comment didn’t change the expression on TK’s face, like he was trying to look straight through Carlos’s head. He braced himself for whatever was coming, telling himself that he’d manage to get out of this without wrecking the little bubble they were building around themselves. He’d known when he came here that he needed to be careful.

He’d just gotten so comfortable he’d forgotten.

Instead of asking him another question, however, TK just threaded his fingers through Carlos’s and lifted the back of Carlos’s hand to his lips. “I never said thank you,” TK said softly, gaze locked with his. “I didn't realize it at first, but you were exactly what I needed.”

Carlos swallowed, unable to look away. He knew TK was probably just talking about tonight, but there was something about his eyes that felt like it meant more than that. Like TK had somehow known everything he hadn’t managed to say.

His chest squeezed tight, too much emotion making it so there wasn’t enough room for anything else. He had to clear his throat before he could trust his voice. “Happy to be here.”

“Good.” TK smiled, tucking their joined hands against his chest before turning back to the screen. Carlos smiled as well, letting himself just hold on.

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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